November 26, 2012

A guide to yeshiva boys; for the Israeli chayalot

Since you will now start seeing yeshiva boys in the Israeli army you have to learn how to deal with them. First of all, unlike Modern Orthodox boys, yeshiva boys are very sensitive. For example, if you brush up against a MO boy he will say "hay, that's cool, she likes me," but if you brush up against a yeshiva boy he may get so excited that his seed will pop out. And if that happens he'll get so depressed that he'll say "I don't care anymore", and he'll blow up the Temple Mount. So you have to go slowly; show him a little skin here and there and he'll slowly fall in love with you. 

You also must learn yeshivishe language, like the difference between "she was a real gavra", and "she was a real cheftzah". "She was a real gavra" means she was good in bed, while "she was a real cheftzah" means she had plenty of 'meat' (chaticha reuya lehischabed). And if she was not a real gavra then you say "she was an 'E' gavra, or "I had an 'E' time last night" meaning "I did not have a good time last night". 

For more of this kind of raid see Shabbos end of 62. It's hard to see from here what was better those days; a fat girl or skinny girl, but from Shabbos top of 57b you see that fat was pretty (Just like the Roman era paintings). I guess this has a lot to do with the brainwashing of the generation. 

Back to the chayelet; don't be scared if he's wearing 'rabbaynu taam gotches'. Just put on a 'Kupka' or 'Shpitzel' before having sex, and everything will be OK. And don't forget the "nagel vasser".

And when he sticks his tongue in your mouth he may go round and round looking for diamonds, just like Lovon did to Yakov (Genesis 29, 13). Notice that Yakov told the whole story to Lovon (That Esau (Elifaz) stole all the jewelry he had on him), and he was not worried about 'loshon horah'. The truth is that it was very important for Lovon to know this.

Also, Don't 'make out' with a yeshiva boy inside a tank, because your hair will get all tangled up with the boys payes and tzitzis, Borsalino hat, and fake Gucci belt.