Like I said before (Nov 17) Abraham would never have survived if he worshiped his emotions and bleeding Jewish heart. The only reason why he passed his tests was because he blindly listened to G-d. If the Torah does not tell you to do something and you do it anyway, G-d gets furious, because it shows that you don't really do things because G-d told you to do it. You only do it because you "feel" like doing it. (Sanhedrin 76b) This describes the ref-cons of today.
This must be differentiated from "chumros", which you do find in the Torah. The problem is that chumros add a lot of pressure in life, and many kids just can't handle it. So they drop the pressure here and there, like to get rid of the black hat. This brings shame to the family, and the family then turns around and treats him like dirt. And once this happens the kid is gone.
Now what does the Torah tell you to do? Like I said before (Dec 1) doesn't the Torah say that if you treat them like dirt they will go OTD? (Sanhedrin 107b)
We are living today in a high speed society, and if the parents don't have immediate "nachas" from their children (like the boy comes home with a fancy piece of Torah, and he puts on a hat and jacket to sing zmiros, and he shlepps out the Sader till 6 am) they go crazy, and they worry about their "image". They say it's all about the kids, but it's really all about their image.
Then you have some things that are not even chumros but idol worship. Like the problem kid who doesn't get along with his parents, and he asked his father for a drink (From the juice pitcher) by the shabbos table (during the meal) and the father said No! (Just to boss him around). So the kid asked "why not"???? And I also ask "why not?" Did the Torah tell you to do this? Is this a chumra? If this kid hits 13 and goes OTD I will not bat an eyelash. I don't see why he would want to bother to keep the Torah if his father worships other gods anyway. Like the god of the freezer.