December 1, 2011

Off the derech

Do not be too tough against sex, your kids, or your wife, because sex is needed for procreation, and your wife and kids, they may go off the derech from too much pressure. In other words, don't push these 3 away with both hands. "The left hand should push them away and the right hand should bring them close". (Sanhedrin 107b, Sota 47a) Notice that the right hand is the one that brings them close. We must cool down our frumkite and use our brains. 

Remember that your kid has a right to live his own life, and he's allowed to marry any (kosher) girl he likes, even though this may embarrass you. A father has no right to mix into his sons private business which has nothing to do with him. For example, to tell his son "I want you to buy a blue car for yourself, not a red one". (Maharik 166, Remoh (and D.M. 10) end of Yoreh Deah 240 and Gra, first Tosfos of Kidushin 32, Ramban and Rashba end of Yevamos 6a)

In all these cases there is always something that bothers the father (Like if his son has a red car or a cool wife). But just because it bothers him this does not necessarily make it an issue of Kibud Av Vaeim (or Morah). Kibud means to buy him food and clothing (from the fathers money) and Morah means not to sit in his chair etc.

At the end of the day you have to ask yourself "did the boy go off the derech from the Torah, or did he go off the derech from the frummy "mold"? Like he wears cotton pants, green crocks, and blue shirts, and he doesn't shukle a 10 minute shmone esray and learn a half hour in front of the Chanuka candles. And he makes jokes on Hoshana Rabba, and doesn't sing Zmiros. Why would he want to sing Zmiros? his life is full of guilt from top to bottom!

We know from the Talmud that Jews sing Zmiros on Shabbos (Megilla 12b) but it's not a must. And i'm not mechuyav to like the songs that you like.