You're allowed to see her (and kiss her) naked, but not "that place", even though he says he will shut the light before actual sex. This is the Raayved, but the Rambam lets you do everything (As per Nedarim 20b). (See Aug 14, Sep 15,18, 2014)
If you're too frum for this kind of stuff, get off this blog and go back to your porn.
P.S. Even according to the Raayved this does not knock out the Talmud in Shabbos 140b, where with one hand he plays with her breast, and the other hand he plays "down there". This has nothing to do with staring or kissing.