John Batchelor says he used to go to marches in order to meet girls. So that's the key - we must make marches. So how about-
The global tznius march. Nobody is interested in your fat pulkas.
The global march against boys wearing pointy shoes (Cockroach killers) and colored socks (like pipi longstocking).
The global march against wide brim hats. You kill twice as many rabbits as the small brim.
The global march against potato kugel made without potatoes.
The global march against the guys who come out of the mikva dip, and the first thing they put on is the hat.
The global march against Splenda. (See Aug 17b, 2014)
The global march against serving sweet apple things together with the meat. I can't stand it! Keep it for dessert.
The global march against women who serve chicken soup without pupiks or matzaballs.
The global march against mothers who make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and then take out the peanut butter because it's too fat.
The global march against people who do Tashlich by the gefilte fish tank.
The global march against people who make 'fish yoech' ices for the kids.
The global march against shinee yeeden. Shinee yeeden wash all their kids problems under the rug, in order not to spoil their beautiful image in the street, and by the time they wake up it's too late. The kids are 'yesomim' . All they needed was someone to talk to.