December 12, 2012

Black Ferrari and Luzer Twersky

So I walk into Deli 52 one day, and 'lo and behold', there in the back room is G-d himself sitting and eating a huge VIP cholent. So I rush over and I say "what in the world are you doing here?" So he says "Luzer Twersky said that I don't exist, so i'm going into hiding. I don't even know myself if I exist anymore". So I said "because Luzer Twersky woke up one day and decided that you don't exist that means you don't exist anymore?" And what happens if Luzer Twersky wakes up tomorrow and says that he changed his mind, then all of a sudden you exist?" So he said "then I come out of hiding". 

So we go outside and G-d goes to his car, a beautiful black Ferrari. And I said "where did you get this car?" So he says, "I stole it from Lipa while he was doing the Yechi". So we go into the car, and G-d puts on one of Lipa's funny glasses, and we drive down 13th av. And all the kids are going "Lipa! Lipa! And G-d is muttering to himself; "if that Tuna-bagel in that SUV hits me i'm gonna whack his head off". 

So I asked G-d "what are you gonna do now that there are so many Atheists out there?" So he said "i'll hang out in people's houses." So I asked "why?" And he said, "when they sit on the toilet for an hour and it doesn't want to come out, or the urine doesn't want to come out, or they find out that they have cancer, then all of a sudden they scream to me for help." 

And that's why we mention G-d's throne by this blessing; because the bathroom brings back G-d's throne. Who do you think made that your urine shouldn't leak in your pants all day long, Darwin?