How come when the Jews were close to G-d (By the temple) the sex was great, but after the temple was destroyed the pleasure of sex went down the drain? (The end of Ben Sora Umora, Sanhedrin). Just wondering......
"You might have thought that it's better to have sex by day because by night there is always the danger of having "sleep sex", where the guy is all tired and he doesn't really have such a lust for his wife, but he has sex anyway just to do the Mitzva, or to makeup with her, but he's really disgusted by her. And this is from the 9 evil sex acts where G-d says "I will pluck out from you the ones who rebel and sin against me" (Yecheskel 20, 38) (Nedarim 20b) (Rashi, Needa 17a, "sleep sex") Do you mean to tell me that you're supposed to enjoy sex? That you're supposed to play with your wife in order to get turned on? (Shabbos 140b) I think I'm gonna faint! (Click Jul 31)
There definitely is a theme in the Torah that you should only do with your wife as much as needed (To satisfy yourselves), and not more. That a Talmud Chacham would not need to do all the things a plain guy would do. The problem is that today's generation is full of fakers and idiots. When you work in Manhattan and you see dirty media all around you, and you look at porn on the Internet, and then you come home and play "holy" with your wife, you're a first class faker and idiot. Then you go to the prostitute to get what you couldn't get from your wife. Idiot!
When you go to a prostitute you go straight to hell, but when you play with your wife nothing will happen to you. The Rambam says you can do whatever you want with your wife as per Nedarim 20b, and the Rema quotes the Rambam word for word (E.H. 25,2) even though the Bais Shmuel holds like the Raayved not the Rambam. See Bach (Beginning of 25) and see Lechem Mishna, Dayos chapter 5, end of 4. The Tur quotes the Rambam in E.H. 25, and the Raayved in O.CH. 240.
And even according to the Raayved who does not let you do certain things, nevertheless you see from his words (Tur, O.CH. 240) that the light only has to be off during actual sex. Otherwise, how can you look at "that place" if there's no light? What was your Hava Amina? But you see that the guy thought he could first look over there and then close the light for sex (The words of the Tur). And when Rashi says at the end of Shabbos 86a that we don't have sex by day because we keep tzneus not to stare, this again is talking about actual sex. So this would be good even according to the Rambam, who agrees that the light must be off by sex.
And when it says in the beginning of Chullin 96 that how can you have sex at night if not for the fact that you recognize the voice of your wife, this is not proof that you can't make a light before sex. This is only proof that you don't have to get out of bed in middle of the night to make a light in order to recognize your wife. But if you want to make a light be my guest.
And how can you check her out for a hidden Mum if there's no light? (Ksubbos 58b last Rashi before M, ibid 75b last Rashi) And for sure if he already had sex with her he checked her out himself. (Ksubbos, end of 57, Maharik 105) "If he got married and had sex, and a few days later he complains that he found a hidden Mum on her, and until now he didn't see it, we don't believe him." (E.H. 117,10) What do you mean "you don't believe me"? I was friiiim and Heiiiiileg!
When the Talmud says "he checks her out through his relatives" (Until he has sex) (End of 57) this was only according to Mishna Reeshona, but according to Mishna Achrona the boy himself checked her out (In the yechud room before the chuppa), as per Ksubbos 58b. (Maharam Shiff)
In other words, the Talmuds question was asked even according to Mishna Achrona, but the answer goes only according to Mishna Reeshona, that he checks her out with relatives from the time he has to feed her. And even according to Ulla if you're scared of simpon (Mishna Achrona) then the boy himself checks her out by the chuppa, because if it's his relatives checking her out then why wait till the chuppa, why can't they check her out before he has to spend money and feed her? So you see that the relatives is not the preferred way of checking her out.
"And even though it's normal for the boy to check her out before he brings her into his house, since she can eat truma even according to Mishna Achrona, and you're not scared of simpon, still, sometimes the boys don't check them out until they have sex, and then you have the other chazaka......
"But in the case that there is no question about it, like if he had sex with her, that in this case he certainly checked her out, because everyone checks out their wives at the time of sex if they didn't check them out beforehand, then you certainly don't listen to the husband that he didn't know about this Mum. But we say that he did know about it but he didn't care." (Maharik 105)
So at the end of the day there are 3 ways of checking her out. One is through his female relatives (bath house) (Mishna Reeshona according to Rav Shmuel Bar Yehuda). One is the boy himself around chuppa time (Mishna Achrona). And one is right before having sex (Everyone) (Which can be a few days later). This is unbelievable! If the Mishna Achrona would have only known what the Zohar says (Oct 20, 2014)....... (Just kidding) If the Zohar would have only known........
P.S. "The thing that makes peace in the house (The sex limb) doesn't work any more" (Shabbos 152a). Without sex there is no peace between husband and wife (Chullin 141a).