November 3, 2011

The cholent goes off the derech

The scientists bring proof of evolution because there is a certain bear that has an extra finger, and it doesn't look like it's needed for anything. So this proves that G-d didn't make the bear. 

I know of a car that has an extra pipe that doesn't go anywhere. It comes out of the plastic air line between the air filter and the throttle body, and after like 10 inches it stops cold. Dead end. This proves beyond a reasonable doubt that this car was not made by man. So who made it?

What really happened was that 80 million years ago my great grandfather (May he rest in peace) made a very big pot of cholent. And on top of the cholent he put knee bones. And on top of the knee bones he put kishka. And on top of the kishka he put gala. 

After approximately 10 million years the wedding music started to become extremely loud, and the gala started vibrating at 65 megahertz. This went on for 3 million years until the kishka started vibrating at 35 megahertz. After another 2 million years the knee bones started vibrating at 300 kilohertz. 

Then, unfortunately, somebody was walking by eating geffefferta lokshin kugel with pickles and olives, and some of the pickles and olives fell into the vibrating knee bones which in turn released lactic and acetic acid into the cholent. 

Then another million years passed, and somebody was eating gefilta fish with Pepsi, and he tripped and fell into the cholent. The gefilta fish fell into the gala, the I-pad fell into the kishka, and the Pepsi fell into the cholent. The phosphoric acid of the Pepsi reacted with the lactic and acetic acid of the pickles and olives, and a huge cloud of cholent powered hydrogen gas hovered over the site. 

It didn't take long (Only another 10 million years) and the vibrating knee bones made a spark which ignited the hydrogen gas and caused a huge explosion. The fireball could be seen for miles and miles. I still remember my grandfather  talking about the gefilta fish falling down from the sky with the carrot still in the middle.

Anyway, when we finally got clearance to see the site of the explosion, lo and behold! There was a brand new car sitting there, with geffefferta lokshen kugel coming out of the tailpipe, fish-yoech coming out of the brake cylinders, and flanken with Lima beans coming out of the glove compartment. Now what happened to those gala bones?