Since we are so sensitive about looking at women today, my Friend wants to know why we have the Mitzvah Tantz, where the whole extended families (which can be 200 people) sit around and stare at each other, and the girls are all dressed up for the wedding.
But I want to know something else. Where do you find in the Torah that you're allowed to have mixed dancing in front of the family? Even if a big Tzadik gave the young kallah a shoulder ride (Ksuvos 17) he did not dance with her. She did not do any dance movements. The poskim say that it is absolutely forbidden to dance with the kallah, or to stare at her face even for one minute. (Aruch hashulchon E.H. 65)
I was once by a Mitzvah Tantz, and when the Choson danced with the kallah, the Dayan (c,y,t) and another very frum guy turned their heads to the back wall. So I said to the guy, "if you and the Dayan have to turn your heads to the back wall, then everyone else also has to do it. so why are they dancing here? They should go home and dance! It's like shoving a cheeseburger into a Jews face!
When it comes to Mitzvah Tantz the chasidim just melt with emotion. They tighten up their gartel, they take a shot of booze, and then they go around shaking everyone's hands with "lechayim", as if they're embarking on a very dangerous journey to Jupiter.
Maybe when they dance with the kallah, they can see the holy grandfathers and grandmothers coming down from heaven, to bask in the glow of the Mitzvah Tantz.
I once had a talk with one of the holy grandfathers who came down from heaven. He told me that while he was coming down, he passed by the hotel rooms upstairs, and he saw the chasidic teenagers watching "pay per view", and when he came down to the Mitzvah Tantz he saw the older boys staring at the beautiful girls dressed to kill.
So I told him that he has a dirty mind. "Don't you know that the Mitzvah Tantz is holy, holy, holy? Why do you think they call it "Mitzvah" Tantz for? Don't you know that when the boys look at the girls and the kallah, they only see holiness?
I guess the Poskim are a bunch of idiots! They have a one track mind. For that matter the Talmud is also shallow. According to the Talmud, the reason why you dance for the kallah is to endear her to her husband. (That's it?) And they won't let you stare at the face of the kallah even by the wedding. (ksuvos 17 Rush) Doesn't the Talmud know that when the Choson dances with the kallah in public it is so holy that even the heavens start shaking? Doesn't the Talmud know that the choson dances with the kallah in order to endear her to everyone else?
My brother says that next time Hillary should hold a "gartle", and then everything will be fine.
You might want to argue that just like when the kallah had a shoulder ride you didn't have to stare at her face, you also don't have to stare at her when she dances with the choson. But this is baloney. When the kallah gets a ride there is no reason to stare at her face, but when she is intimate with her choson for the first time in public, everyone wants to see how she will react. Will she turn red, or white, or will she stare into his eyes and smile with love, or will she be nervous or serious?
I have seen more modern weddings, where after the first dance the choson and kallah danced together to the main table, and they were all happy. So are you going to tell me that modern mixed dancing is evil because they are happy, but chasidic mixed dancing is holy because they have a serious face? This logic does not come from the Torah. It comes from chasidic emotionalism.
They have replaced the Torah with "feel good" Judaism. This is the same reason why some chasidim leave shul in middle of kriyas hatorah to go to the mikvah. Apparently, the mikvah makes them "feel good" more then listening to the Torah does.
Not to be outdone, the litvaks totally ignore Kiddushin 29b, and they don't let the boys get married. It "feels good" to kick out a boy from yeshiva for getting engaged. They have created a "freezer attitude towards marriage syndrome". (FAT MS.) which fosters a laid back attitude towards marriage, which in turn translates into "very picky". They wouldn't dare treat a "yeshivishe" mitzva like that! The exception if the girl is older then the boy also has nothing to do with the Torah, but it makes you "feel good".
Who are they to tell us that as long as the choson and kallah have a serious face, and we call it "mitzva", they can be intimate in public, and nobody will have any bad thoughts? And what happens if G-d forbid she smiles to him?
I would like to know why we can't have mixed dancing every Yom Tov when everyone gets together? Why not? It's only family? I mean, forget about dancing. They won't even let mixed seating, so that G-d forbid you shouldn't look at your brothers wife. Maybe we should call it "mitzvah meal", and then mixed seating will be OK.
The way I see it, when it comes to Mitzvah Tantz, the chasidim have completely lost their marbles. They fell into the pit of "holy hallucinations". Kudoish! Kudoish! Kudoish!
Just because you drip with emotion and you think you're in heaven, does not necessarily mean that you're really in heaven. People who have love affairs also drip with emotion. On the other hand, fat people who don't take a shower on a hot three day Yom Tov don't think they're in heaven at all. But which one is holy?
Didn't that shoyteh know that when the choson and kallah dance and stare into each others eyes, there is something called Yeatzer Horah? Do you know what the big excuse is? It's only family! That's the whole excuse! I know something that's really called "mitzvah" in the Torah. Maybe they should do that also. Why not? It's only family?
And now here it is. "And some say that as long as you're not doing it for love but only for the sake of heaven, like to dance with the Kallah, it's OK. But a guy who watches himself should stay away from this, because it's a far cry that he will not end up with bad thoughts, and it's a Mitzvah that comes through an Aveirah." (Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 21,7)