October 28, 2010

Sara sings Zeppelin at Nishmat

Women rabbis are worthless. Now why are women rabbis worthless? Very simple; we all respect a great rabbi, because we know how hard the Satan will try to stop us from learning Torah (The greatest mitzvah of all). And to a certain degree he succeeds very well. So if a guy sits and learns all day for 40 years, he must be a very good boy (and very learned). And so we respect him for that.
But if a girl learns Torah it doesn’t mean much. Nobody asked her to learn Torah (other then the halachos that pertain to her) and so the Satan is not interested in stopping her from learning Torah. So even a good for nothing who dresses like a harlot can sit and learn all day, and the Satan just laughs his head off. Cause he knows that when she gets to the next world, the stores will be closed, and her learning will not buy what she came for. (Look at Yorah Deah 246 paragraph 6, Taz 3, and Tosfos Avoda Zara 3a)
The Talmud says in Sota 21a, that if a woman learns Torah, this learning is not good enough to have the great merit of learning Torah, since she was not commanded to do so. And the only way she can get this great merit, is by bringing her kids to yeshiva, and by letting her husband go out of town to learn Torah (Thereby taking a leave of absence). In other words, she sacrifices her “needs” for the sake of Torah. (And if she’s single, she can support yeshivas)
Now there are some ladies who think that all that glitters is gold, and they coo coo about the great spiritual escapades they experienced at the women’s minyan. They say that they got a great feeling, and their spirit flew up to heaven. And in their thoughts they have seen the angels humming to the tune of the girls singing Lecha Dodey.
I don’t know. It makes me wonder. It really makes me wonder. I think that when I went to India, and I sang Lecha Dodey  while standing on my head, I had a much greater spiritual “high” then these women did. After all, the deep sources say that in the next world people stand on their heads.
Dear lady, did you know that there are two paths you can go? Path number 1 is to do what g-d tells you to do. And this is the path that has kept us going throughout the ages. You have to be strong like a rock, and not roll after every fetish of the times.
And path number 2 is to be a pompous fool, and try to mimic the men. You think you have made great strides for woman’s rights, but in the long run it’s whispered that soon the shofer will blow, and you will see that your shadow is taller then your soul.
And as we wind on down the road, there walks a lady we all know. Who shines white light, but it’s just a show. And if you listen very hard, you will see her gold shimmering on the hot air of the whispering winds, and her songbirds blowing rings of smoke through the trees. Yes dear lady, in case you don’t know, you’re full of hot air, smoke, and rebellion against g-d.
So the next time you go to a women’s minyan, you should first look at the sign on the wall, cause you know sometimes words have two meanings. And you should look to the west and ask yourself, “is this the voice of g-d from the east, or is it the piper calling me from the west?” Now don’t be alarmed if your thoughts were misguided. There’s still time to change the road you’re on.
May it be the will of the one that all is him and he is all, that the time will come to us at last, that the Torah will lead us to reason. And a new day will dawn, for those who stand strong. And the forests will echo with laughter.
Of course this is not a full discussion of the subject. I’m just letting off some heavenly steam. But before I go I would like to say that women do not become complainers because they are feminists. It’s the other way around. They become feminists because they are complainers. They have a problem with this part of the Torah and that part of the Torah; This behavior of g-d and that behavior of g-d. But the truth is that this is all just an illusion.
The real problem is that these women are chronic, self hating, miserable creatures, and whatever you do for them will not make them happy. So if you can’t make it to Hollywood, you kvetch and complain, and complain and kvetch. And you make a lot of feminist noise.
I never saw a pretty girl in Hollywood complain to g-d why he made her a woman, and why she is shorter and weaker then men. So you see that this has nothing to do with men vs. women. It has to do with success vs. failure.
The bottom line is that copying men’s mitzvos will not get you anywhere in life. Absolutely nowhere. What you really want is to be a pretty girl in Hollywood, and g-d is obviously not interested in doing that. Sorry, but that’s life! If you think you are more intelligent and more compassionate then g-d, you are always welcome to leave this world, and make your own universe.
Some women actually talk like that. They say “if I were g-d I would never put women back in the women’s section like that”. Yeah, I know all about it! If you were g-d you would make the women sit on top of the men during prayers, so that the men should eat from the forbidden fruit, and then they would get punished for it.      (It’s not like you never did this before)
And then you’re gonna go on TV and say “oh my gosh!! Are you telling me that men cannot stop thinking about women for five minutes during prayers?”
Let me just add that besides being complainers, many of these women are really really sick in the head. For example; Chana Henkin (From Nishmat) complains why there is no blessing for the onset of fertility, the end of fertility, the experience of pregnancy, the experience of giving birth, and the experience of nursing a baby. She also complains why the Torah did not tell us about all the “feeeelings” Chana had while she was pregnant, and when she gave birth.
In other words, women have no way of amplifying and expressing their tremendous unique religious life experiences, and they nebech have to keep it all to themselves. (I don’t know where the husband went)
I think the Torah should make a “bleeding, pregnancy, and nursing festival”, where all the pregnant women can come out and dance in the streets (And talk about their feelings). And the boys will stand on the side and throw popcorn at the teenage girls. And the girls will giggle with profound spiritual ecstasy. And the ladies will climb up to heaven in their "uniquely womanly" vehicles of expression.
Oh my g-d! I could just cry!
I am slowly beginning to realize, that if g-d told Chana Henkin to do something, and her “feeeelings” told her not to do it, she would not listen to g-d. She would listen to her feelings. And if this indeed is the case, then you are talking idol worship of the first magnitude. (Click Nov 27, both of them)