Call up "Ezras Nashim", and tell them that you're having a heart attack. Ruchie Freier will come running ("If men can do this so can I"), and she will pull up your shirt and rub your stomach. When she bends down to give you mouth to mouth you pull her down easily and do what you have to do. It's good for the health. All 'Ezras Nashim' women will be wearing special tznius g-strings, donated by Anat Hoffman of WOW.
The truth is that it's not funny. Regular EMT's have men and women working together, so no one can do 'hanky panky', but here it's all "nekayves", and your buddies can hide in the other room.
"Hello? I'm having a heart attack!"....."Why did you call us? why didn't you call Hatzala?"....."I don't know! I just feel better having you"....."Is this because you think we do a better job, or because we're girls?"....."I don't know! I think I'm just more comfortable with a girl"......"OK, just wait till we get a security guard and we'll come right over." "And until then, listen to my little Yenty say "Modeh Ani". She's soooooo cute!"
The girls on the bus go "giggle giggle giggle"......."OK, Shaindy is still putting on her makeup. She'll go with bus 2" (Ambulance 2).......
"Hello? Is this Hatzala?"....."Yes?"....."Hi, I'm from 'Ezras Nashim'; would you be able to help us carry a fat lady down the steps?....."And who did you use until now?"......"We used Ruchie Freier's OTD boys, but today they all went to the waterpark, and the Puerto rican backup is now in jail." Like they say, "It ain't over till the fat lady sings."